i’m so sick of feeling like a failure. yet day after day i disappoint God. i let my human flesh win the battle. i lie. i make a fool of myself. i talk about people. i do everything i know the Holy Spirit is telling me not to.
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.
For no one is cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to anyone.
I am a failure. Yet God gives me new mercy every morning. He will give me grief for my sins, but he shows me compassion. It just dawned on me that it is good to have grief when I have let the Lord down, because it is a reminder of why I choose to follow Christ. I will fail, God knows that. Yet even though he knows that down the road I will make the same stupid mistakes again, he forgives me and shows me compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Why is he so good to me? Why do I fail him every time? I have gone back to this passage so many times over the past year, and it always stops me in my tracks. It makes me want to get down on my knees and beg God to help me run from temptation, to flee evil and to pursue him. But it feels so futile, and I get discouraged. I think, “if I really loved God, I wouldn’t have to keep coming back to this scripture to be reminded of why I want to follow God. I wouldn’t keep sinning over and over again.” But that isn’t what God wants me to think. He wants me to acknowledge my sin, accept it and repent. He wants me to see how much he loves me. It’s not about my sin.. it’s about Christ’s mercy. And because of his mercy and love, the hope is that every time I make one of these dumb decisions, I’m a little bit farther from making the same choice next time. That somehow through my sins, I come to the realization (once again) that I want to be like Christ. I want to throw of my human flesh, and put on the armor of Christ.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!